I think people get lazy with the Bible sometimes, and don’t understand it because they don’t really take the time to reflect on it, myself included. Our campus ministry is going on  a retreat this upcoming weekend and I wrote some modern psalms that are going to be a part of our prayer walk. I really think I should do this more often, I found myself praying these psalms as I was writing them.

Modern Psalm 1

A path you’ve set for us, O God, a road for us to take.

No regret, no mistake, no thing can separate us from you or your love.

You are a forever and unchanging God,

One that does not give up on us, but who gives us new chances with every sunrise.

You do not grow weary or tired.

You are our strength, our crutch and our provider.

I shall lock your promises in my heart, forever, and remember the words you have spoken to me.

Train me, mold me, and prepare me for the path you have created.

Give me eyes to see the signs you have posted, and a mouth that will forever speak of your goodness.

I will be bold for you Lord, and no longer be afraid.

Your power that was in your Son, remains in me, and I will be bold.

Modern Psalm 2

You are forever, infinite.

You and you alone can touch my heart and break down my walls.

No other love, God, can fill me; can make me whole.

You are unchanging; no matter my pain, my mistake, my grief.

You are beside me. I am never alone.

Remind me that you will never leave me.

When I miss you God, I’m the one who distanced myself from you.

I will run to you and only you for I know you are forever pursuing me.

All hurt and guilt are wiped away and can be let go because of your grace.

Because of your love, my regrets are lessons learned.

I am made new, I am strong, and I am yours.

Modern Psalm 3

Make me a friend, O Lord, a friend who loves at all times.

Help me to see you in every person I meet, to show unconditional love to them.

May the friends I make be rooted in you and desire to be on fire for you.

Let us explore life together, the way that you have for us, that we may know your deep love.

Show us what it is like to sacrifice, to lay down our lives for one another.

May we comfort and fight for each other.

We are flawed, we are human, and we are young.

But you dwell in us, and your love flows out of us God, if only we let you.

Teach us to forgive when forgiving is hard, for you have already forgiven us for what we’ve done tomorrow.

Modern Psalm 4

Lord, I know you are my Father, my Savior and my Comfort.

Remind me, you are the Potter.

You are the Potter, and I am your clay.

You are in charge, and I am not.

You hold tomorrow, you hold me.

I am defined by your hands, every thing you do, you make is done with love.

You have made me in your image, I am without blemish.

You have washed me with forgiveness and I am made clean.

You created me, you shaped me and you continue to mold me.

Every morning, I am refined, for you are not done with me.

Modern Psalm 5

You have never left me, never taken a break, never needed time apart from me.

When I’ve called to you, you’ve answered.

When I’ve been happy, you’ve laughed with me.

You know my every desire, the deepest pits and caves of my heart.

You’ve heard every word, seen every tear, and experienced every moment.

I am not a waste, and I am not just another name on your palm.

You see past my dirt and my grime, you love the very essence of who I am.

You take me as I am, but your love is forever changing me.

Everyday, when the world will fail, you will satisfy me.

You are enough. You are here. You are mine.

Honestly, after over six years of being here for you, after every breakup, every fight, every little thing you just needed an opinion on. You tell me everything, you apologize, I forgive you and tell you I think nothing less of you, which is the truth. You finally decide that you want to try things, because after all I’d never leave. Then two nights in a row, you hang out with another girl, only tell me because I asked and then just stop talking to me altogether. You said this is what you wanted, you wanted to try, you wanted this to work? That doesn’t show that, at all. I’ve always forgiven and been here. And you know what, I’ll continue to do that, but I can’t wait anymore, I can’t just take apologies and run with the hope that you ‘really want it this time’. I don’t want to be selfish but this is causing more harm than good.

I never thought I would resort to tumblr to talk about what I want to vent about. Things have gotten so hectic here lately and God just keeps testing me with all kinds of events and people. Honestly, I thought “I had it.” Figured out my major, had an awesome group of friends, a forever supportive family, loved my ministry, had a job, led a small group.. I thought I was golden, that everything was good. Aside from all these wonderful things, I still felt, and still do feel.. distant. I feel like things are good for a while, but then as soon as I step back from those things, I am unhappy. It makes no sense though, because everything is nearly perfect. I’m so comfortable in all those areas, which is why this discontentment makes no sense.

Overall, I have a happy being, I always have. Laughing, playing, joking, and just loving on people. But for some reason, something is missing. My heart is broken for things going on and the way I feel because I know this is not how God wants his daughter to feel. I know he wants me to feel complete and content in Him, shining His light in all aspects of my life, but for some reason I just feel like I can’t do that, or that I’m just not doing that. 

I don’t know if it’s because of where I am. I think that I need to change, that I need to move, that I need to just start over, somewhere new with new people, new opportunities. I’m praying that God will somehow show me what’s right, and what the next step to take is. 

I hate to randomly rant about things but it’s just one of those things. I don’t understand why people go back to people that don’t make them happy. Yes, I get that it’s comfortable and you get used to it but just because you get used to things doesn’t mean that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Being happy should outweigh the times you’re upset, absolutely. Seriously, stop going back and try something that could be completely good for you, and even if it’s not, what do you have to lose? Take a risk on someone, I don’t think that’d be a bad idea.

It’s safe to say that God has decided to give me some reality checks here lately. He reminds me continuously, that this life, my intentions are not my own, but I’m merely a vessel that he designed. He has a plan for us to go through, a divine and narrow road, full of purpose and intention. Every person, every obstacle, every situation, destined to be there. My God knew I would be where I am, He knew the conversations that would happen before I’ve even known my plans for the night.

I’ve always been one to so unoriginally “put up walls” and shut people out. I’m not necessarily a brick wall, but sarcasm has been my crutch. I use it to not necessarily mock situations, but to try and take the pain out of them.  This summer has been full of opportunities, of conversations, and of stronger friendships. I thought God had given me a lot to sort through, but then I got to school and He handed me some more. But for the first time, in such a long time, I’m wrapped up in his plans for us. Our life together is becoming more natural, more intimate, and thus more real. 

I’m learning what it looks like to pursue God, because ultimately He is always, always, always, pursuing me. Though I don’t always feel this way, and most don’t, God finds me worth it, my small life, and dreams and hopes, are so small compared to the potential, drive, and love God has instilled in me. The same power that raises the dead to life, and that was found in the Son, is embedded in my soul. My God never fails me, nor does He ever give up on me.  I know that I have come a long way, that I am being more transparent and true everyday, but I also know that God’s not done with me yet, nor will He ever be. The more I find my identity and hope in Him, the more I will realize how perfect I am in Him. (Song of Solomon 4:7- You are altogether beautiful my darling, there is no flaw in you) The more I search after God’s heart, to intertwine my dreams and goals with His purpose for my life, the more strong I will become, the more willing to wait for things I’ll be, and as I learn to love like He loves me, the walls will crumble and my sarcasm will subside and not come from such a defensive place.

“God loves you just the way you are, but loves you entirely too much to let you stay that way” - God has met me where I am, He has always been there when I haven’t felt Him, it’s just been me being blind. He never stops moving, working, pursuing, it’s just a matter of me finding rest in Him and realizing how much He truly does for me and the relationship we have. 

Though this is all new to me, opening my heart, and loving in a way that I’ve never experienced, God has shown me that it’s okay to be uncomfortable and to be transparent. We were designed for community, others, and to be surrounded by those running after God too. I know that I have far to go, but for the first time, I’m ready to that, whatever that is, and however uncomfortable it may be. 

“The truth is that the Spirit of the living God is guaranteed to ask you to go somewhere or do something you wouldn’t normally want or choose to do. The Spirit will lead you into the way of the cross, as He led Jesus to the cross, and that is definitely not a safe or pretty or comfortable place to be. The Holy Spirit of God will mold you into the person you were made to be.” — Francis Chan

Lately, I’ve been thinking about “feelings” which is probably totally appropriate for having a blog, but more so in a sense of relationships. For believers, I think we confuse feelings for others. It is important finding someone with the same strong beliefs and willing to lead you, and sometimes it can be really hard to establish lines. I know for me, I’ve been blessed with amazing guy friends, that really love and pursue the Lord, and at first, I think everyone looks to see if there’s potential, it’s human nature. I think it’s natural. BUT as believers, we find God attractive, having every possible trait we want in a spouse and more, I think sometimes, we like the God we see in others, rather than the person themselves…in an intimate, more than brother/sister way. 

anewcreationinchrist:

unashamedofthegospel:

GOD > god

My God saves, loves fags, doesn’t hate soldiers, crushed empires, created the world in 6 days and had enough time to rest on the 7th, raised the lowly, made a nation out of one family, and elected the least.

Most of all…He sent His Son to die in my place.

THIS 

Do not be afraid of the world. There is nothing in this world to fear, Christ has already overcome it!